3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
