okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
