you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
