so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
