My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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