i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
