girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
