OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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