3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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