She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
