just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
