So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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