Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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