then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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