also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize