wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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