Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
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You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering