i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Nicole vs. Life
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment