You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude i'm inner monologue high
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.