I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.