Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut