she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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