i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
