So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just invented taco cereal.
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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