My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
