Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
