piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
