you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
