Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
