Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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