I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
