she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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