Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
