when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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