Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
