Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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