i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You did what with his pubic hair?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
