Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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