i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
