Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
