kristin has been a bad kristin
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
