Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
