you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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