wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
