yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
