my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I could fuck to npr.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
