1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
