My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
