I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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