who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
