I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
