I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
