ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
