that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
