I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
