Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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