I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
