just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
I CANβT BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
