i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
