he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
