I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I love you. Go after that dick
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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