Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
