GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
