Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
