it hurts more in the daytime
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
