True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
