I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
