after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
