Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
