He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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