This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
