I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
