I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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