the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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